I'm not a Scrooge, in fact I quite enjoy Christmas. However, there are some things about Christmas I could quite happily do without. Now I'm not talking about how it's more commercial than it might need to be, or just how many presents I need to by today, today's simply about the music of the season.
There are a fair few very dodgy Christmas songs out there. However, I'm going to name and shame five I'm quite frankly sick of hearing already, and hope (although they won't be) are long since forgotten by next Christmas. Don't worry, none of these are one year wonders, like The Darkness' "Don't Let The Bells End", but they're all pretty dire in my own opinion.
These aren't in any kind of order really, but lets start with one I've never really liked. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" tells a very basic tale of a kid who quietly made his way downstairs on Christmas eve, only to see his mother and Santa kissing. The idea of course that it's not really Santa the kid saw, but rather the kids father.
It's usually performed by some whiny snot nosed kid, in this case a young Michael Jackson. However, the Jackson Five version is undoubtedly the worst, if only for just how nasal Michael sounds, and just how cheesy it is that the entire group sing about it, and then the other four completely deny the idea in spoken form at the end.
The lyrics are alright for what it is really, but it just sounds so bad, and that added cheese just makes me flinch.
However, that song is not as annoying to me as "Mistletoe and Wine" by Cliff Richard is. It's basically a Christmas carol, only not. However, even as a Christmas Carol it's bland and insipid. The only Christmas Carol with less musical oomph to it than Mistletoe and Wine, is Silent Night, and there the silence is intentional.
Lets not even mention Cliff's "Millenium Prayer", a song I'm ignoring as not being technically about Christmas, and continue to the next monstrosity shall we?
Next up is that classic Wham song "Last Christmas". To this day, I'm surprised it hasn't been covered by what many would call an Emo band. But then, maybe songs that reach a certain level of notoriety can't be covered. Alas, I digress from my point.
Back to it then. Surely, you must be thinking, there's nothing wrong with "Last Christmas", and truth be told, there isn't per se. But that is part of the problem, it's very hard to put a finger on why I dislike it. Despite having this sort of situation happen, depressive thoughts are not something I want in my Christmas songs. Where's the joy? Where's the enthusiasm? Wham give us none of that, and thus it gets this place on my naughty music list.
However, you cannot talk about depressing music and not mention the collaborative efforts arranged by world peace activist, and sometimes singer Sir Bob Geldof, and the song "Do They Know It's Christmas? (Feed The World)". A song that is only made worse, by it's covering 20 years later, under the (highly imaginative) collective name Band Aid Twenty.
I'm going to flat out say the latter is worse. I mean they're both as bad as each other in terms of ruining your Christmas turkey by reminding you others don't have any (and no, not your vegetarian cousin, she chose to not eat any). Band Aid, and it's younger version Band Aid Twenty, is a case of guilt selling.
Or, if you believe a mister Dizzee Rascal (Forget Peaches, that's a really dumb name), "You ain't got feel guilt, just selfless. Give a little help to the helpless."
It's that very rapping that makes the newer version worse than the old one, but they're really both as bad as the other.
Last, but by no means least on this list, is a right royal rogue done by The Pogues. Their "Fairytale Of New York" is possibly one of the most popular classic Christmas song, and I can already hear those of you who hate the traditional spitting in disgust with this one. "The Pogues," you're saying, "one of the worst?"
Well it is. See what I said about wanting cheer and upbeatness in my Christmas songs? Well where is it in this song? The Pogues' story is about a couple who fight on Christmas day. Sure, it's got some jolly singalongability to it, and there is definately a certain charm to it, but as a Christmas song, I'm afraid it loses points.
Plus, while I never endorse actively following a crowd to be cool, or the opposite, actively avoiding a crowd to be indie-hip (or whatever the term is), this is one of those cases where the crowd of people who are following it to be cool are also trying to be indie hip at the same time. Anybody who defends this song will tell you it's something different from the norm, and must thus be appreciated.
Now go out there, and besides me, try to find somebody else who dislikes this song? You won't find anyone, as this song is nigh on universally popular. Which defeats the point of liking it because it's different surely?
Anyway, there ya go. Five songs I'll be glad to not hear for a long while after the new year. I feel sorry for you if you listened to all of them.
There are a fair few very dodgy Christmas songs out there. However, I'm going to name and shame five I'm quite frankly sick of hearing already, and hope (although they won't be) are long since forgotten by next Christmas. Don't worry, none of these are one year wonders, like The Darkness' "Don't Let The Bells End", but they're all pretty dire in my own opinion.
These aren't in any kind of order really, but lets start with one I've never really liked. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" tells a very basic tale of a kid who quietly made his way downstairs on Christmas eve, only to see his mother and Santa kissing. The idea of course that it's not really Santa the kid saw, but rather the kids father.
It's usually performed by some whiny snot nosed kid, in this case a young Michael Jackson. However, the Jackson Five version is undoubtedly the worst, if only for just how nasal Michael sounds, and just how cheesy it is that the entire group sing about it, and then the other four completely deny the idea in spoken form at the end.
The lyrics are alright for what it is really, but it just sounds so bad, and that added cheese just makes me flinch.
However, that song is not as annoying to me as "Mistletoe and Wine" by Cliff Richard is. It's basically a Christmas carol, only not. However, even as a Christmas Carol it's bland and insipid. The only Christmas Carol with less musical oomph to it than Mistletoe and Wine, is Silent Night, and there the silence is intentional.
Lets not even mention Cliff's "Millenium Prayer", a song I'm ignoring as not being technically about Christmas, and continue to the next monstrosity shall we?
Next up is that classic Wham song "Last Christmas". To this day, I'm surprised it hasn't been covered by what many would call an Emo band. But then, maybe songs that reach a certain level of notoriety can't be covered. Alas, I digress from my point.
Back to it then. Surely, you must be thinking, there's nothing wrong with "Last Christmas", and truth be told, there isn't per se. But that is part of the problem, it's very hard to put a finger on why I dislike it. Despite having this sort of situation happen, depressive thoughts are not something I want in my Christmas songs. Where's the joy? Where's the enthusiasm? Wham give us none of that, and thus it gets this place on my naughty music list.
However, you cannot talk about depressing music and not mention the collaborative efforts arranged by world peace activist, and sometimes singer Sir Bob Geldof, and the song "Do They Know It's Christmas? (Feed The World)". A song that is only made worse, by it's covering 20 years later, under the (highly imaginative) collective name Band Aid Twenty.
I'm going to flat out say the latter is worse. I mean they're both as bad as each other in terms of ruining your Christmas turkey by reminding you others don't have any (and no, not your vegetarian cousin, she chose to not eat any). Band Aid, and it's younger version Band Aid Twenty, is a case of guilt selling.
Or, if you believe a mister Dizzee Rascal (Forget Peaches, that's a really dumb name), "You ain't got feel guilt, just selfless. Give a little help to the helpless."
It's that very rapping that makes the newer version worse than the old one, but they're really both as bad as the other.
Last, but by no means least on this list, is a right royal rogue done by The Pogues. Their "Fairytale Of New York" is possibly one of the most popular classic Christmas song, and I can already hear those of you who hate the traditional spitting in disgust with this one. "The Pogues," you're saying, "one of the worst?"
Well it is. See what I said about wanting cheer and upbeatness in my Christmas songs? Well where is it in this song? The Pogues' story is about a couple who fight on Christmas day. Sure, it's got some jolly singalongability to it, and there is definately a certain charm to it, but as a Christmas song, I'm afraid it loses points.
Plus, while I never endorse actively following a crowd to be cool, or the opposite, actively avoiding a crowd to be indie-hip (or whatever the term is), this is one of those cases where the crowd of people who are following it to be cool are also trying to be indie hip at the same time. Anybody who defends this song will tell you it's something different from the norm, and must thus be appreciated.
Now go out there, and besides me, try to find somebody else who dislikes this song? You won't find anyone, as this song is nigh on universally popular. Which defeats the point of liking it because it's different surely?
Anyway, there ya go. Five songs I'll be glad to not hear for a long while after the new year. I feel sorry for you if you listened to all of them.
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1 comments:
Best Christmas song ever in my opinion describes what it's like to grow up and realise how miserable christmas can be:
I Beleive in Father Christmas
They said there'd be snow at Christmas,
They said there'd be peace on earth.
But instead it just kept on raining,
A veil of tears for the Virgin birth.
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